Though a long way from needing to worry about my child's social status, I've already developed strong convictions about how she will be raised. Television viewing will be monitored and kept to a minimum, as will the use of video games and computers and other personal electronic devices. Recreational spending will come out of her allowance, which itself will be awarded only upon the completion of chores and maintenance of overall obedience. I won't force her to participate in any activities she doesn't enjoy, and we won't overdo it, but her time away from school will entail pursuit of constructive extracurricular activities or - when the time comes - useful part-time employment. She'll be expected to regularly attend family gatherings and spend time with her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and not-yet-conceived cousins and siblings.
As she advances through the pre-teen and teenage years, I look forward to building a relationship in which we can talk to one another honestly and open... but I won't spoil her or bend to her every whimsical demand and desire in order to gain her trust. Nor will I buy her designer clothes or let her stay out unreasonably late or enable irresponsible behavior just so she can be "cool."
"But Mom!" she'll protest. "Don't you want me to be cool? And have friends?!"
"You can have plenty of friends without wearing a $100 T-shirt," I'll snicker back. "And besides, wouldn't you rather be a successful and responsible 23-year-old than a 'cool' 13-year-old?"
A recent study demonstrates that "cool" teens often grow up to be wayward post-adolescents. I'm not sure we as a society needed any proof that being popular as a young teen doesn't correlate to success later in life, but there it is.
And is it really that surprising? Being considered "cool" involves securing the reverence and social respect of one's peers. Meanwhile, even the most book-smart, perceptive, well-meaning 13-year-old is still an immature, sheltered, inexperienced idiot. The average human is expected to live past 70, and most of us don't even arrive on the cusp of actual maturation and independent adulthood until at least 22 (following the deferral of anything resembling real responsibility until after college). It follows logically that those individuals first embarking on their teenage years are not the best judges of character and personality.
My favorite part of the article may be use of the term "pseudomature behavior." I recall from own teenage years that many of my peers couldn't wait to grow up, and sought to somehow hasten the process by defying their parents' requests for help with chores, skipping family gatherings in favor of seeing friends, hanging out with older "cool" kids in an effort to obtain illicit beverages and substances, and shirking age-appropriate evening recreational behaviors in favor of carousing in a parking lot. Ever an old soul, I was fine keeping to myself and a few different circles of friends who pursued less heralded social activities like ice skating, miniature golf, and watching movies in someone's basement. The other stuff just seemed like a meaningless way of pretending to be older.
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes had that twinge of curiosity about what being popular would entail, and a vague sense of longing for being older and having more autonomy over how I spent my free time. But that's the point - I recognized that actually reaching adulthood would bring these freedoms, and didn't see any purpose in rushing to do them so soon. It's a bit circular how kids who recognize the fleetingness of their own youth are considered "mature" - equipped with the wisdom to take advantage of a time in their lives they can't get back. Reflecting on experiences throughout my twenties, I can confirm that there is plenty of time to make slightly older friends, stay up all night, experience romance, and experiment with alcohol.
Of course, I won't be telling my daughter about those, lest they make her want to grow up even faster.
No comments:
Post a Comment